Technically, sociopathy involves behaviors like impulsivity, lack of empathy, and a disregard for rules. Sound familiar? That’s a toddler in a nutshell. But this behavior is completely normal for their stage of development. Here’s why and what you can do about it:
Why Toddlers Act Like This
Imagine you’re three years old and your brother has a cookie on his lunch plate and he hasn’t eaten it yet; he is busy playing with a toy, so…. you take the cookie from your older brother’s plate and eat it. He didn’t notice and mom didn’t notice. Sweet! Now you know it’s okay to take something if another person doesn’t eat it. From now on you believe that if someone isn’t using something, it’s fair game. Fast forward to today, and you’ve applied your “rule” at the park, taking a snack bar from another kid who was just holding it, not eating it. Why did you get in trouble?
Here’s the thing – your toddler isn’t being bad—they just don’t understand the social norms we adults take for granted. And that’s where we, as parents, step in to guide them.
Why Empathy is Hard To learn
Empathy is what helps kids grow into kind, compassionate adults. It’s the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and imagine their feelings. But teaching empathy can be tricky for three reasons:
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Understanding Feelings is Complex: People often experience mixed emotions or hide their true feelings. And that is confusing for a toddler. It’s hard for us adults too – for example, you might think someone is selfish for skipping a family holiday to go on a cruise with friends, but if you knew their history—that they were abandoned by a parent—this might make their actions more understandable. For a toddler, this kind of nuance is impossible to understand.
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Kids Learn by Watching Us: In the past, children saw their parents interact with others—chatting with grocery store clerks or apologizing after bumping into someone. Today, we’re more likely to order groceries online or use a tablet at a restaurant. Fewer interactions mean fewer opportunities for kids to learn empathy through observation.
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Our Busy Lives: With less time for face-to-face interactions, it’s easy to forget that modeling empathy is part of parenting. But it’s so important for kids to see it in action.
Why Empathy Matters
Empathy isn’t just a feel-good skill—it’s essential for healthy relationships and emotional well-being. For teens, empathy leads to closer friendships and less loneliness. And loneliness, as U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has highlighted, is a growing problem linked to both mental and physical health risks. Teaching empathy is literally a matter of life and death.
Empathy also makes life at home easier. Teens who practice empathy resolve conflicts more smoothly and are more prepared for success in their future relationships and careers.
How to Teach Empathy
The good news? You’re probably already doing a lot right. Here are some simple ways to help your child develop empathy:
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Model Empathy: Show care for your child’s feelings. For example, if they scrape their knee, say, “Ouch, that looks like it hurts. Can I help?” When kids see you showing concern, they’re more likely to mirror that behavior.
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Encourage Kindness: Praise your child when they show empathy, like comforting a sad friend. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
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Talk About Feelings: Use everyday situations to discuss emotions. If a character in a story is upset, ask your child, “Why do you think they feel that way?”
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Expose Them to Social Situations: Take them to community events or encourage small interactions, like saying thank you to a cashier. These moments teach them to connect with others.
By modeling and teaching empathy, you’re not only helping your child grow into a kind, compassionate adult—you’re also contributing to a healthier, more connected world. And in the process, you might find yourself becoming a little happier too.
So, the next time your toddler acts like a tiny sociopath, take a deep breath. They’re just learning the rules of the game—and with your guidance, they’ll grow into someone who understands and cares for others.
